Decay fills my nostrils - something is always falling apart here. I was never a boy in this place. I walk through the crowded paths past the piles of clutter and cobwebs. I’m in disbelief as I remember the life that forced me to grow up. Too many heaters in the house and the breaker will switch. The shower head is held with one hand while you wash with the other. Food stashed in my room in case there's nothing left to eat. Keep the door locked, even if it barely works. I dreaded adulthood and dreamt of staying young. If the world was this harsh growing up, how would it treat me when I was older? I'm an adult now - a badge of honor I wear every day. I made it out. Our relationship will always be with me, even if I have outgrown it. I'm not sure if I will ever see this place as home. My memories are entangled with pride and shame.
fearing what i won’t become
11.09.23 — Russ Bray
Decay fills my nostrils – something is always falling apart here. I was never a boy in this place. I walk through the crowded paths past the piles of clutter and cobwebs. I’m in disbelief as I remember the life that forced me to grow up. Too many heaters in the house and the breaker will switch. The shower head is held with one hand while you wash with the other. Food stashed in my room in case there’s nothing left to eat. Keep the door locked, even if it barely works. I dreaded adulthood and dreamt of staying young. If the world was this harsh growing up, how would it treat me when I was older? I’m an adult now – a badge of honor I wear every day. I made it out. Our relationship will always be with me, even if I have outgrown it. I’m not sure if I will ever see this place as home. My memories are entangled with pride and shame.
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